Beer myths debunked

Gotta hand it to my boyfriend, who sets the record straight: “Beer tastes like ass.” I’d venture to say most beers taste like “watered-down piss.” But it’s one of the few manly ways to drink; no self-respecting manly man would be caught dead drinking a wine spritzer or a fruity liquor (however tasty they may be). The ol’ chap won’t even carry my Stella six-pack out of the grocery store lest someone see him holding a “chick beer.” Not even if he’s with said chick. Of course at home, he’s all over my cranberry cocktail like a punch-drunk mosquito, but in public, oh hell no.

Obviously, advertising is working its magic, because men are sold on a product that tastes like crap. How do you do that? By advertising it with a bunch of baloney beer myths, of course.

Beer myth #1: Hot women drink beer.

No, we don’t. As a fit young woman who’s received her share of catcalls, beer is not part of my diet. While I may have one on occasion, really, the calorie-conscious among us know there are tastier and less caloric ways to enjoy a summer night. So if we have other options, are we going to pick beer, which makes its drinkers bloated and burpy? Nu-uh.

Beer myth #2: Women think men who drink beer are attractive.

What I hate about this ad, other than a woman getting stuck in a tree like a cat, is that she purrs to a guy who looks like trailer trash. Listen: We think capable, witty, intelligent and well-dressed men are attractive. We think slobs look like slobs, especially when they’re drinking crap like KeyStone.

Beer myth #3: Men will choose beer over women.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’m sorry. I just need a second. The very idea that men are more interested in beer than women (or sex ) is BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Nevermind.

Beer myth #4: That women are as enjoyable, and as portable and tossable, as a beer.

This commercial is sickening.

–By Tara Cavanaugh

3 thoughts on “Beer myths debunked

  1. I forgot how awful beer commercials were! The last one was particularly disgusting. I like a cold German lager when it’s hot outside, but luckily I burn a nice chunk of calories running.

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