The nasty 90s (part 2)

Floral Dresses

I’m not attacking all floral dresses—just the ones worn in the ‘90s that looked like textile versions of floral wallpaper or adult versions of little girls’ Sunday bests.  Not only could the patterns serve as camouflage in your great-aunt’s bathroom, the color schemes designers used could make you look like an Easter egg or a sedate chintz couch.  Elaine Benes from Seinfeld often sported gauche floral dresses along with clunky shoes or sneakers.  Like scrunchies, you can find these dresses making a comeback in stores like American Apparel or on Etsy.

Caption: I loved Elaine’s quirkiness, but her fashion sense?  Well, it was kind of endearing…

Flower-Power Revival

The mid to late ‘90s had a fling with the love child of hippie and disco fashion—the flower-power revival.  The ‘90s version of “flower-power” had nothing to do with a political stance or a dance craze and everything to do with mainstream culture.  The ‘90s interpretation of those two looks, however, only augmented the garish elements of those periods and added a plastic, dime-store twist.

Before Posh earned her stage name

Spinsters, Junkies, and Trailer Trash

Back in the ‘90s, so many of us looked like we could have used a tailor.  Many popular silhouettes made women look boxy (remember the ‘80s holdover, the power suit?) or shapeless (grunge fashion).   Suddenly, looking like a corporate spinster or a junkie became cool.  At the same time, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera inspired my generation, preteens and teenagers in the ‘90s, to squeeze into jeans a size too small (I saw many a muffin top in my day) and sleazy spandex crop tops.  This trailer park pop princess look could’ve come straight out of a Jerry Springer episode.

Caption: ‘90s Pop stars like Christina Aguilera have inspired so many of looks seen on the People of Walmart website today

Not MILF Material

I can’t think of a single person I know or that’s in the media who I can envision rocking mom jeans.  High waist + tapered = very, very bad.  They make your lower abdomen look bloated and your butt look as shapely as a bean bag.  Moreover, mom jeans don’t even make your legs look long or lean—on the contrary, they make a lot of women look stumpy and pudgy.

Beverly Hills 90210 at its frumpiest

Please, feel free to stay in the ‘90s…

And last but not least, my leastfavorite ‘90s trend: cartoon character shirts—i.e. the ones with big Tweety Birds and some sassy phrase that ran about two sizes too large.  How could this be worse than mom jeans you might ask?  In this case, it’s pure personal bias.  The sayings on the t-shirts scream “I need to be loud and proud about how AWESOME I think I am and I need a gigantic Bugs Bunny giving attitude to get my point across .”  These shirts were big and obnoxious, enough said.

Caption: Wannabe hip-hop Tweety. The only thing this shirt is missing is Tweety making us “talk to the hand.”

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