So the gals of Sucker Punch have been out and about promoting their film and bludgeoning us with bad fashion.
First up, Jena Malone, who is so skinny that it took me a while to recognize her as the precocious daughter in Stepmom and the spirited Lydia in 2005’s Pride and Prejudice. Jena’s modeling the 90s prom look, which didn’t even look that good then. Are we really back to recycling clothes from the last decade? Should I go looking for my long plaid shirts and midriff-baring tops again? This poorly chosen ensemble actually reminds me of the prom dresses in 10 Things I Hate About You, which really deserves to remembered for its more charming attributes, namely Heath Ledger and its spiffy adaptation of Shakespeare.
Her costar Emily Browning harkens back to an even earlier decade with her lace doily dress and dark lipstick. If I could make a modern adaptation of Great Expectations, this is exactly how I would imagine a young Miss Havisham. She’s just been stood up and is hell bent on making every man pay for her pain through a diabolically convoluted plan involving adopting a beautiful orphan girl. But first, she’ll turn her wedding dress into an edgy statement of independence while strutting around in her platforms (because if anyone’s going to wear stilettos, it’d be Miss Havisham).
Then there’s Vanessa Hudgens. She’s already got her Halloween costume under wraps. But I’m not quite sure whom she’s going as. Gypsy palm reader? Boozy lounge singer? Or girl-who-got-dressed-in-the-dark and thought her necklace was a headdress and her baggy slip was a great dress?
–By Lindsay Ray