Ze best and VORST of Fashion Veek

I hate Fashion Veek. Vy? Because it veeks of VANNABES, geegling and tweetering or vhatever in all ze rows. UGH. Zat is exactly vy I sit at home and view ze results from ze comfort of my own non-VANNABE filled home. And I get to make my judgments after a glass of vine or some consideration, vhichever comes first.

So pay atten-SHUN! It is perfectly silly to talk about fall fashion while it snows outside but VHATEVER. I do my job because I love you, dah-lings. I do.

And I do it because some of it is just too good…. or too bad… to pass up. Just let me show you, my dah-lings.

Boho mama

You’ll love zees, all you chubbies who can’t (rather, should NOT) vear skinny jeans or leggings: Boho. Everybody talking boho zis, boho zat. Ve all know boho means loose floral tops, flowy hair, and, zank GOD, ze return of flare jeans (just check out all ze commercial stores). Your thighs say ZANK YOU.

Ralph Lauren

A disturbing trend? Mid-calf skirts. Bleh. Has ze ability to make even ze storkiest among us look so stubby.

Marc Jacobs. Note ze bad socks and childish Mary Janes.

See, Fashion Veek say Ve love ze 90s. (But ve should not.)

90s, 90s, 90s. Apparently it has been long enough to forget how TERRIBLE zey vere. From ze black hooker zigh-highs to ze oversized coats, ze block color tones, ze PLAID, ze floral prints and ze crotch-shot skirts.

BCBG, Calvin Klein, Jason Wu, Proenza Schoeler

And HATS. EVERYBODY had to vear ze dark hats.

Carolina Herrera, Derek Lam, Marc Jacobs

And ze severe, high-neck, long-dress look is back. Ve are all Mormons.

Alexander Wang, Calvin Klein's final look

But no vorries. Ze sparklies? Zey are here to stay! For now.

Michael Kors, Marc Jacobs, Vera Wang


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