As I’m sure you know, fashion is like a great beeg theatre production: Designers are ze directors. And vriters. And costume makers. (I know, how DO ve manage?)
YOU, my leetle retail slaves, are ze actors. Vee tell you vhat roles to play and vee put you in ze costumes. You vear ze clothes, and you bring our brilliant stories to life!
Here are your choices for zis upcoming fall season. I have included photos so zey are idiot-proof.
You may be…
Princess Sparkles, Age 5
You vant to vear THAT sparkly dress vith THAT sparkly tank top and THAT sparkly necklace and THAT sparkly tiara—er, headband.
A 2010 freshman hipster interpreting 90210 or My So-Called Life
If you’re a Brenda or Kelly— Jeans: rib-cage high, acid washed, unbreathable. Shirt: ruffled and tucked in. Shoes: high heeled clogs or mom-Keds, ew.
If you’re Angela or Rayanne— Flannel. Crochet. Floral. Long-strapped satchel. Lace-up boots. Ripped jeans. Vhatever. Repeat.
And ze hipster touch? Nerd glasses. DUH.
A military/biker brat
You embody extremes. You’re either part of ze establishment, or you’re an outlaw. Your boots are low and slouchy, or high above the knee. Your jacket is cropped and open and or belted and buttoned to the chin. Your tank top is slouchy and long, or tight and cropped. Your jewelry is metal: chain necklaces, thick bangles— anything that clinks when you move to show that you’re either chained to the rules… or breaking them.
A lost hippie lovechild
You were once sashaying through strawberry fields and now you can find everything but your pants. Oh, vell!
You’re velcome. Ciao! And come again, I do enjoy your visits.